I recently wrote about the ten people I wanted to bitch slap and last night as I watched Mr. Gibson interview Sarah Palin, I noticed he was sitting on his hands in an effort to not beat her down, Hockey-style. I felt sorry for him. As a reporter he couldn’t truly express himself. He had to rely on gestures–head shaking, eye-closing–and deposition-like questions whose underlying messages were: You’re an idiot. I’d do you, but you’re an idiot.
And so, Mr. Gibson, since you can’t make this list, I will do it for you.

I, Charles Gibson, so badly want to bitch slap SP because:

1. She sounds like a motivational speaker for the employees of Stop-n-Save.

2. She keeps uttering my name, all casually, like we’re friends, like we’d actually hang out together. She probably puts ice in her red wine. Where could we possibly hang out? Why does she keep saying my name? It makes me want to hold a rifle to something dear to her, like I could hold a rifle to her favorite rifle and be all, “Now say my name! Say my mu’ fuckin’ name!”

3. I asked SP “What insight into Russian actions, particularly in the last couple of weeks, does the proximity of the state give you?”
She said, “They’re our next door neighbors and you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska.” I really wanted to slap her when she said that.

4. I asked what insight does that give you into what they’re doing in Georgia?
She said, ” Well, I’m giving you that perspective of how small our world is and how important it is that we work with our allies.”
Oh, thanks for that perspective–you should SO run our country.

5. Her voice-the sound of her voice! It’s so painful to hear. I’d rather listen to the Teletubbies sing church songs.

6. She makes W sound so intelligent. I found myself wishing he were there with me. That Pink Floyd song was playing in my head–you know, how I wish, how I wish you were here. We’re just two lost souls da da da da…year after year

7. My mind is numb. I’m a dumber person for having met her. Last night I found myself flipping through the pages of The Notebook. I would have never done that before I met her!

8. She didn’t know what the Bush doctrine was. I almost yelled, “Gotcha!” all Scooby-Doo style. I’d rip off her glasses and say “It’s not a monster! It’s a moron!”

9. I don’t think she believes there were dinosaurs.

and finally…

10. I’ve never bitch slapped anyone. I’ve always wanted to, but never felt it would be justified. Until now. Until now.

And here is the rest of it