I’m not really a fan of Octomom–poor gal, who is? The moniker is hideous, too. Makes me think of a Palinesque superhero octopus whose power is to nurse with its eight nipples while bashing people over the head with bible-holding tentacles. A lot of things are hideous about the whole thing–like the thought of grocery shopping with fourteen kids, or putting them in car seats, sitting them down for dinner, putting them to bed. I wonder if she’s breast feeding? Can you imagine what would happen to your breasts? Goodbye melons, hello zucchini squash. Your nipples would be like joy sticks. I don’t think I could breast feed if I had eight kids–not because of the work but because my milk would be uber-tainted with wine, ganja, oxy contin–or whatever I could get my hands on at the local high school. Goooo Mustangs!
The only thing I’d want to do with fourteen kids is wave at them from afar, or pay my nannies to wave, because I’d be at the high school. I love kids and all (well, not all of them), and this might seem cold, but in light of our economic crisis and our disintigrating resources let’s take a moment to think. I may not be able to convince Octomom or Sarah Palin, the syntax-killer from Wasilla High, that it’s okay to let go of an embryo every now and then, but at the very least…and here’s where I transition to my ’cause’…let’s protect reproductive rights and the freedom to choose. Yeah, I’m talking to you, christian rockers.

I know your 40 Days for Life campaign is back. I hear you’re calling it the largest and longest coordinated pro-life mobilization in history.
Well, to counter-attack I wanted to bring some attention to Pledge-a-Picket.

You pledge money for each day protesters picket outside clinics during the campaign. Ho snap!
The more they protest, the more money Planned Parenthood raises. Treat it like a drinking game. Every time you see a sign like this
don’t get angry. Pay up (and drink). Every time someone yells, “God is pro-life! Are you?” don’t yell back, “If you don’t like abortions, don’t have one!” Just pay, bitch (and drink).
We can be peaceful and reasonable about the whole thing, and we can drink. Ohm shanti ohm.

Bonus Material:
Pledge-a-Picket pledge form and more info
Wasted at Town Hall
Interview with Sarah Palin
Ten Reasons Why I, Charlie Gibson, Want to Bitch Slap Sarah Palin