I often wonder how I can make money off of my child.
If you think your kid is the next Lindsay Lohan, or uh, maybe someone less fucked up…Brittney? Woops, no. Jaime Lynn? (pregnant pause) *Miley? Um…
Dakota? There we go.
Perhaps your daughter could be the next Dakota Fanning. There’s a casting call for Scottie, a character in my novel The Descendants. You can go here to read the character description or post an audition. Warning, the Scottie I created is an irreverent and disturbed ten-year-old who wears a tee-shirt that says, I’M NOT THAT KIND OF GIRL BUT I CAN BE. Break a leg.

*I actually think Miley is fine. She rocked the Grammy’s, and I remember posing all sexy with my friends when I was sixteen. If I remember correctly, some of my girls posed for “artsy” photos at a friend’s apartment complex pool buck naked with just their hands covering their boobies and vageenes. Did you see that perv in apartment 212?

Bonus Material:
The Black List
Please Don’t Gigli My Novel