This weekend I’m going to a cocktail party on the Kennedy’s sister yacht with my husband’s firm so I’ll need to step into that phone booth and become The Domestic Housewife. A few things that have helped my dueling personalities get along…

DVD
Weeds, Season 3
What: It’s 4:20 in suburbia
Why: You’re going green

EAT
Brownies

READ
The Little Black Apron: A Single Girl’s Guide to Style and Grace
What: An adorable guide for kitchen-clueless women who want to venture beyond ramen and stir-fry.
Why: For singles: Preparation for domestic bliss. For desperate housewives: You can reminisce about cooking for one, wake-and-bakes, and sleeping around.

DO NOT WEAR…

Crocs
What: The ugliest shoes known to man, favored by women who wear those hideous baby slings made form curtains, sing Baa Baa Black Sheep with utter abandon, wear hats that look like they’re made out of worry dolls, dress their babies in clothes that look itchy, butch and biodegradable, and carry organic produce like it’s Prada.