I have interviewed the authors Malena Watrous, Julia Scheers, and Laura Fraser about what books are currently on their night stand. While watching Charlie Gibson bitch slap, I mean interview, Ms. Palin I couldn’t help but wonder what was on her night stand. “A Theory of Justice,” perhaps, or “Understanding Power” by Noam Chomsky. For light reading maybe “A Girl’s Guide to Hunting and Fishing”?
So I asked for an interview and she agreed!

She was delightful, though a very close talker and her parfume was a bit distracting as it smelled like wild game. But she was gorgeous. Sharp, ferrety eyes, a no-nonsense jaw. Ms. Palin was also much taller in person. She had thunderous thighs, an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face (actually the “round thing” was a bear foot, something she carries around for good luck. When I suggested something smaller, like a rabbit foot, she said, “That’s not how I role,” then she laughed and said, “A rabbit’s foot could not get me to where I am today. I am prepared. I have that confidence. I have that readiness, and if you want specifics with specific policies or countries, you can go ahead and ask me. You can play stump the candidate if you want to. But we are ready to serve..”)

I had to interrupt and say, “Um. I just want to know what you’re reading. That’s all. Just some examples.” She said: “I’ll try to find some and bring them to you.”
I encouraged her to just try and remember. She squinted her eyes and put on a “let me think” expression, an expression which was intense and a bit pained–it reminded me of the expression my toddler wears when she’s pooping.
At last, she came up with a few books and answered my only question, “Governor Palin, whatchu’ reading?”

Her list…

1. Economics for Dummies
2. Foreign Policy for Super Dummies
3. The Art of the Telescope (She’s reading this because she just purchased a telescope to try and broaden her expertise on foreign countries by seeing them from her deck. Countries such as Iraq and South America such as, and Africa such as.)
4. Chicken Soup for the Moose Skinner’s Soul
5. How to Win Friends and Not Alienate Black People
6. All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten
7. What I Learned From God While Watching Nascar
8. Godly Education (This was actually a mistake. When she ordered this from Amazon she thought it was about teaching religion in schools, but it was a romance novel about two English teachers. She happened to have it in her bag. Fabio was on the cover pressed up against a chalkboard by a brunette wearing glasses.)
9. Oh, The Places You’ll Go (she thought this was a classic and pointed out that the boy didn’t really go anywhere. He didn’t have to go backpacking around Europe to learn life’s lessons.)
10. Drill, Baby, Drill (Another mistaken purchase. She thought it was going to be about off-shore drilling, but it was another romance, this time with Fabio, a brunette, and a jackhammer.)

Thanks, Governor!