Geez I just can’t make up my mind. Do I want to be Dora or Swiper for Halloween? I have to dress for a kid’s party and while there I have to manage the money, control the crowd, execute good decisions and educate the little ones. I just don’t know which costume would be better suited for this occassion. Kids like Dora, she seems to be a leader, guiding her friends to fortune, safety and a new destination. But Swiper makes those cool “air quotes” and he’s always stealing shit, getting all mavericky and shit. But Dora’s got a backpack and a map. I could manage the money better with the pack and head in the right direction with the map, and Swiper has admitted he knows nothing about money and would have to rely on a cupie doll to guide him. I’m also thinking that the kids might be afraid of Swiper–his narrow eyes, snort laugh, smarmy sneer, his disorientation and endless pacing, his manic tongue wagging. I know they stand for completely different things and are in no way similar so I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to make up my mind, especially since one is so much better suited for the job? Why am I so undecided when I have so much information about these two candidates and they are polar opposites? Maybe I’m a retard? Maybe I’m one of those people who sits forever at a four-way stop? Maybe I need a swift kick in the ass by say, a donkey? Ouch