I have published two books– “House of Thieves”and “The Descendants”(now out in paperback. You should totally buy it)–so you’d think I could answer this question with some kind of authority. I have written four books, actually, but only the aforementioned two have been sold and published. In regards to the other two, my publisher decided that “they’d regrettably have to pass.” I was surprised the first time it happened. I didn’t know published authors got rejected. I just thought they were given advice on how to improve what they have. Gone are the days when editors work with you, I guess. I was very gracious of course, telling them, “nice working with you” and “I’ll keep plugging away so my daughter won’t have to subsist on the drips that come out of the faucet.”
I then turned to my more successful colleagues for advice. I thought I’d share these gems for any struggling writers searching for a good sale.

1. Have a dog tell the story. You need a dog or a retard. Then it will sell.
2. Don’t write about rich people. I know you’re writing about an affluent town, but…people don’t like rich people even if they have compelling conflicts. Switch the point of view to the rich people’s Mexican maid. Then the book will sell.

3. Use the word “Daughter” in a title. THE WRITER’S DAUGHTER or THE BLACKSMITH’S DAUGHTER or maybe SAN FRANCISCO’S DAUGHTER? Or is that too Isabel Allende? You could also use, ‘Wife.’ THE BLACKSMITH’S WIFE. THE STUNT DOUBLE’S WIFE.
4. Be a white male who writes about drugs, foreign countries, life at the office, or indecisive twenty-somethings (males) who are undergoing some kind of vague and uninteresting existential crises. Try to work 9/11 in somehow. Then it will sell.
5. Write something with a structure that’s either quirky, confusing, ironic, gimicky, or sprawling. (But still be a white male.) Then it will sell.
Thank you, super writer friends! You’re so snarky and bitter, although, bitterness is sometimes the best tool to use as a writer. A lot gets written under the influence of resentment and pure rage. Hopefully rage sells. Let me know if you have any more advice I can add to the list.